So basically, if Mark Sanford has to resign, due to all his sexing of the South American women and subsequent crying about it, taking his place will be the Lt. Governor, whose name is "Andre," who is single and NOT LOOKING, and who felt the need to emphatically declare to an interviewer, with no prompting whatsoever, that he is OMG SO NOT GAY. Lookit (via Wonkette):
During an interview Monday, Bauer, who is a bachelor, voluntarily brought up the subject of his sexual orientation, which he said has been the subject of rumors.
Asked, then, if he’s homosexual, Bauer said: “One word, two letters. ‘No.’ Let’s go ahead and dispel that now.
“Is Andre Bauer gay? That is now the story,” he said. “We’re a long way from where we were a week ago.
“We have diverted what the real topic should be here: Is the governor capable for carrying on the duties for which he was elected?”
WHAT A QUEEN!
This dingus doesn't know the first thing about being a closeted Republican gay either. Like, um, WHERE'S YOUR BORING AND PRETTY-IN-A-NONDESCRIPT-WAY "WIFE," ANDRE?
Ignorant. Just ignorant.
Oh, and did you also hear that Mark Sanford gave another one of his Embarrassing Interviews, where he talked a lot about how his hot girlfriend is actually his soulmate, and about how he's trying to "fall back in love" with old what's her name? It's really getting weird. Also, there were some other ladies, but apparently he only went to second or third base with them or something. Guh-ross. Wonkette asks the important journalism questions:
So what are we talking about here, exactly? Finger banging? Anal? Governor Sanford will have to hold another horrifying interview to illuminate this very important question.
Oh, please please please, this is so fun to watch.